I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
