ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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