I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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