I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
