as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
