even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
