mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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