have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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