It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
