omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
