No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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