just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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