i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
