You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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