My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
