She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
