does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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