I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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