I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
