Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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