VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
