honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
