Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
