I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
