Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
