I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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