She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
