Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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