i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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