Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
