You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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