fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
