Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pooping to opera.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
