He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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