i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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