you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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