Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
