i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
