So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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