Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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