My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
