In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
