i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What a dumb baby whore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
