I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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