soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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