She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Houston, we have a blender
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
