It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
