he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
