you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
