Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
