saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
God I need to hump something, right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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